Thursday, 30 May 2013

What I Once Believed

by Rory A.A. Hinton

Philosopher Reading
Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn

“I believe in God the Father, in Jesus Christ his only begotten Son, in the blessed Virgin Mary, the Holy Ghost, in Adam Cadmium, in chrome nickel, the oxides and the mercurochromes, in waterfowls and water cress, in epileptoid seizures, in bubonic plagues, in devachan, in planetary conjunctions, in chicken tracks and stick-throwing, in revolutions, in stock crashes, in wars, earthquakes, cyclones, in Kali Yuga and in hula-hula. I believe. I believe. I believe because not to believe is to become as lead, to lie prone and rigid, forever inert, to waste away…” (Henry Miller, Sexus: The Rosy Crucifixion, p.9)

I believed that ‘God’ is,
     but God is not an entity.
I believed that the ‘is’
     is the 'is of identity.'

I believed the universe exists,
     that space-time is round.
I believed in Newton’s law:
     entities fall to the ground.

I believed life is uncertain,
     that Heisenberg was right.
I believed nothing worth having
     comes without some kind of fight.

I believed something is
     as it is experienced-as.
I believed there is no Reality,
     just the realities everyone has.

I believed less is more,
     in life as it is in fashion.
I believed life is less, not more,
     without style and passion.

I believed my mind is not for rent
     to any churches, states, or gods.
I believed in Pierre Elliott Trudeau:
     all the rest are frauds.

I believed congregations make you crazy,
     you only get better on your own.
I believed only Libido Over Creedo
     will find The Philosopher’s Stone.

I believed scripture is metaphoric measure,
     never thing literally measured.
I believed to read otherwise
     is to miss what must be treasured.

I believed “God’s second error of judgment,”
     (there is nothing so fine).
I believed in Yasmeen Ghauri,
     (to err is divine).

I believed in compassion,
     to forgive is human.
I believed in humility,
     especially in a wo(man).

I believed in a man
     who despises The Rules.
I believed most men don’t know
     they are taken for Fools.

I believed in September
I believed in The September Issue

I believed in Lagavulin,
     (Scotland’s Corona)
I believed in the Giant Killer,
     (Romeo’s Mona).

I believed in The Bridge,
     despite the subtle ssendam.
I believed in my "Longfellows,"
     despite my poetic ssendas.

I believed those most threatened
     act like lawyer, judge, and jury.
I believed those who severely threaten
     ignite my anger, wrath, and fury.

I believed those most threatened
     are those who severely threaten.
I believed those most threatened
     are those who severely threaten.

I believed I repeat myself
     when I’m as angry as hell.
I believed I repeat myself
     when I’m as angry as hell.

I believed in the hollow man:
     “Mistah Kurtz - he dead.”
I believed in the follow man:
     Zen lunacy - instead.

I believed in my brand of mindfulness,
     Vietnamese bullshit and all.
I believed its the right response
     to The Legend of the Fall.

I believed honest Ikkyu:
     the erotic red thread.
I believed dishonest people
     despise him instead.

I believed the love that matters
     is both private and open.
I believed in Eshun’s love:
     your image must be broken.

I believed in Mona and Jack,
     in Eshun and Ikkyu.
I believed to disbelieve
     rejects what makes you true.

I believed I am not a buddhist
     (this is nothing new).
I believed in Living-Christ
     from a buddhist-point-of-view.

I believed in Blazing Fossie:
     the lord of the deviant trance.
I believed in Raising Kain:
     the lady of the deca-dance.

I believed in Glenn’s Variations,
     and Herbert's conducted clefs.
I believed in The Trane,
     and his gentle Giant Steps.

I believed in two Parkers:
     Dorothy and The Bird.
I believed they embody
     the sublime to the absurd.

I believed in “Lady, lady, better run”
     (if not you might get mired).
I believed Dorothy is a sage:
     “They make me sick. They make me tired.”

I believed Park/Her is matriarchal
     when whining about masculine fun.
I believed her flock should take heed and learn:
     “Lady, lady, better shun.”

I believed in my Little Women,
     full of wisecracks and hints.
I believed in sweets for the sweet:
     my Snow White mints.

I believed in the birthing room blues,
     where the carnage hits the fan.
I believed the blues will be worth it
     when my boy says: “Hey, Old Man.”

I believed in Dr. Secret
     so Cosmic and Free.
I believed in your Secret
     (it remains safe with me).

I believed you should live,
     as never sure to live again.
I believed you must live,
     as a dying man among dying men.

I believed these beliefs
     are only rules for public action.
I believed you don’t get it
     if there is no Newtonian reaction.

I know Papa was right in the end:
     we are bitched from the start.
I know we must nourish this hurt,
     both together and apart.

Henry Miller. Sexus: The Rosy Crucifixion. Grove Press. 1994.